Restless

Often times the only word I can think of to describe how I feel is restless. Restless because things seem to be stagnant. Or because they aren't working out like I had planned. I become restless of my situation or my location. Frustrated by my own habits, let down by people I trust, and realize yet again that this world is devastatingly broken. I suppose the real kicker is counting the "I's" and "My's" in that sentence. What I have realized this year is that as long as I continue to pursue/depend on the plans of me, I will be restless. The pursuit of me will never cease to be trivial and disappointing. But yet I don't see this as depressing, in fact it is freeing. This realization is encouraging that I am, and we all are, invited to be a part of a greater pursuit; a glorious, eternal, and holy pursuit! A pursuit that already has a Victor who we are invited to work for. We were created for This! Living in the midst of such a purpose frees us from the tyranny of ourselves, from the inevitable let downs when our plans do fail. Living in this pursuit is when our soul teems with the contradictory feeling of satisfaction in feeling “I was made for this” and at the same time an unquenchable, glorious, thirst for more. This place is only found at the feet of Jesus, full of humility and in full realization of the love of the divine. In the moments I find myself here, I yearn to be apart of something greater. I beg God to use me and pray that He gives me the openness, clarity, humility, and wisdom to recognize the opportunities He sets ahead of me, I don’t want to miss a single one! My plans for my life seem good, but when I imagine the breadth of His plan, I am overwhelmed with the glorious ambiguity of the possibilities! There is so much more I could say, but I found some others who I think say it better..

Katie from Uganda:
www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

“Yes. It is hard. But oh, it is good. Because obedience – its all I can do. And Trust – its all I have.
We have been so loved. The only thing we know to do with that love is give it away.
And as the women in the tomb, I tremble. Because who wouldn’t tremble at the feet of this Savior? At just a glimpse of all He might have planned? But I trust and I fill with Joy and Peace and I overflow with Hope just as promised.
This morning I bend low, clasp His feet. Whisper thank you that He can use my broken self to heal another and another. His love spills out and we spill over – terrified (the good kind!) and full, so full of Joy.”

Big Daddy Weave “What Life Would Be Like”

What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You'd realize
And if I had to tell you the truth
I'm afraid I'd have to say
That after all I've done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be
What if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
..That it's when I'm at my weakest
I can clearly see
All our hearts they burn within us
All our lives we've longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us

..And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me


Chasen “On and On”

I tried my way
It always ends up being a mistake
But You’re right when You say
That You set the time for the plans You make
I never thought that I could ever learn to let it go
Somehow its better when I follow in the paths You show
So I’m here I’m waiting
Cause I believe Your love is strong
Some say we need a miracle
Some say there’s no hope at all
But I know that Your love is strong, it goes on and on
and on and on
Rise up when it gets us down
It’ll be the voice in a blaring crowd
Because we know Your love will lead us home
It goes on and on and on and on…
...in Your perfect time
Your plans and Your ways will unfold.

Ephesians 1:13

This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life.

There is Hope for Me Yet..

So last fall I wrote that I wanted to actually be consistent with blogging.. YET it is the middle of MARCH. fail. Sometimes Life just gets in the way. Lately I have been discouraged because I feel as if I have been so bogged down with the everyday ins and outs of college and work that I have been missing out on taking a part in His work. Everything seems to be the biggest deal but I am taken back when I realize how little ANY of it matters. Not that I should neglect school work, social club, job etc. but I need to DAILY put things in perspective. I want my days to count for more than just a check on a to-do list. I want to live INTENTIONALLY and be constantly working for the higher Purpose.

"So I throw my life upon all that You are, cause I know you gave it all for me."
-Where the Love Lasts Forever

"And me? I'm a mess. I am nothing and I have nothing- make something of me."
-Psalm 40:16 msg

"I've realized just how far away I am from where you are.. broken at your feet I lay the life I've torn apart." -Jesus Hold Me Now 

How great would it truly be to throw my messy, broken life, as it is into the arms of Jesus, with full surrender for him to use me? What would that look like lived out by an individual, by a community? So many times I know I take the life, opportunities, and the mercies that are new every morning and tear them apart. It's like in Romans 8 when Paul talks about wanting to do good but evil is right there with him, sabotaging his intentions every time. Whether that's with sin or just neglect of His Kingdom work- I tear it apart time after time. I have realized it is not in my own ability to be able to fix it or be better, but I have to give it up, I have to lay it down. All I know how to do is break it, I need to learn to simply lay it at His feet so that He can actually make something of it, make something of me. Rising up and completing the most extensive check list in the world will not make something of my life. Rising up and laying it down on the other hand... I don't know. I don't know how to finish that sentence besides in "..." because it seems appropriate. If I lay it down, then comes the "..." and I suppose He can finish the sentence..
 "There is hope, for me yet, because God won't forget, all the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see, he's not finished with me yet, he's not finished with me yet."-Brandon Heath